(WARNING: Spoilers in this so if you haven’t watched the event yet, don’t say I didn’t warn you. )
Another Wrestlemania has come and gone, but there is a silver lining to the event this year: That’s $55 to $65 still in my pocket for not ordering it and I don’t regret one bit of it. There were a few good matches in there, don’t get me wrong, but for the most part, the matches with the most hype directed at them were also the most disappointing.
I’ll start on a lighter note when I talk about Taker and Triple H. I have nothing bad to say about this match. I looked ahead into that match and thought that if anyone was going to end the streak, it had to be Triple H simply for the fact that I couldn’t see anybody else doing it other than him. We’ve seen Orton and HBK try to do it and failed. And yes, I’m aware that Triple H has fought Taker at Mania before and also failed. But I took into consideration that the match was No Holds Barred and that maybe Triple H had a chance. After a dozen pedigrees and even a Tombstone Pildriver given to the Undertaker by Triple H, I think it was a safe bet that Hunter was not gonna be the one to end the streak. It’s also become apparent that the Hell’s Gate submission may be more lethal than the Tombstone or even The Last Ride because I don’t think I’ve seen anybody escape that hold. So the Undertaker now stands at 19-0 at Wrestlemania and right now, I don’t see anyone ending that streak anytime soon.
Next we have the other lighter side. Before I mention that match, I feel an honorable mention should be given for Cody Rhodes and Rey Mysterio. Rey delivered like I thought he would, but Cody Rhodes was pleasantly surprising and seemed to follow through. But the only other highlight was Randy Orton vs. CM Punk. Frankly, I wonder why I don’t see this out of CM Punk in more of his matches. There’s skill there and I believed that since his ROH days. Don’t believe me? Look at his match with Samoa Joe and ask me that. Randy Orton has become the new Stone Cold except instead of flipping the bird, beer drinking and kicking ass now/ask questions never, we have cold as ice, calculating and borderline psychotic and it works. It took a long time but Randy Orton has finally found his “it” factor in wrestling. Also, the RKO has now become the new Stone Cold Stunner. The only differences is that it’s quicker and can be hit literally from anywhere, even mid-air. Only problem is that this match didn’t really surprise anybody because they had a feeling that this was going to deliver because of the fact that it is CM Punk and Randy Orton. I would just like to see CM Punk do more on his own and without the Nexus because let’s face it, the Nexus has become obsolete as quickly as they appeared.
Next we have the world title matches, first Alberto Del Rio vs Edge. The fact this match went first just goes to show how they truly felt about Del Rio in a title match at Mania in the first place. I can’t help but ask the question that if they didn’t think Del Rio was ready for this, why have him win the Royal Rumble? The downside here was that once Edge won this match, you knew exactly where the Miz vs. Cena match was gonna end up, especially with The Rock becoming the guest referee. Miz walks away with the belt after Cena is laid out by The Rock and then Miz gets laid out by The Rock as well. We all know the two words that D-X is famous for, well I’ve got one word to describe this part of Wrestlemania: Predictable.
Next, we have the match that didn’t happen. Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus for the U.S. Title. First it was set to happen at Mania. Then we find out last minute that it’s now a non-title dark match. Then we find out it’s a Lumberjack Match. THEN it’s turned into a battle royal. All we wanted was one simple mid-card title match involving Daniel Bryan in his first Wrestlemania match. To quote William Hurt in A History of Violence: “HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP???!!!!” Seriously, how do you take a simple match and turn it into a cluster-fuck? Have the match, let Bryan win the belt back or Sheamus retain the belt. What is so fucking hard about that?
Then we have the hyped up fight that was Snookie, Trish Stratus, and John Morrison vs Lay-Cool and Dolph Ziggler. Snooki’s team wins, big whoop. She did one stupid cartwheel move, Oh My God Who The Hell Cares? The cupie doll from Jersey does one stupid move and her team wins. Yup, this was worth not having a Money in the Bank ladder match……NOT!!!!
And last we have, the announcers duel. Michael Cole vs Jerry Lawler. So much hype built into this match as well as being the only reason Cole wasn’t fired for the Twitter incident. After this match, they’d have been better off firing him before Mania. Chants of “Boring” from the crowd as well as “You Can’t Wrestle” should be enough to describe how much of a disaster this match was. This is almost a bigger disaster of a match since Goldberg vs. Lesnar. The only thing that went right with that match was that Cole was getting his ass kicked. Note I said the only thing that went right because this match was drawn out way too long and the WWE seemed to think that there was a possibility that this match could actually look like a decent wrestling match. Right, and having Floyd “Money” Mayweather wrestle the Big Show was actually a smart idea. The only thing worse than the match was the outcome. You give Jerry Lawler the win only to have a controversial finish with the stupid computer/Raw General Manager reverse the decision. Why? You couldn’t let Jerry Lawler have his moment just once? THIS is your punishment for Michael Cole for the Twitter incident? You let him go over at Mania? Even worse, this leaves it open for this stupid thing to actually continue past Mania, something I’m pretty sure is reason enough for either suicide or putting an axe through the TV. I can guarantee that no wrestling fan in their right mind wants to see this match again.
So here’s the rundown of Wrestlemania.
-Taker remains undefeated at Mania.
-Only two titles were on the line, neither one changed hands.
-You had two matches with a lot of hype (Snooki in a match, Cole vs. Lawler) and neither one of them were approved by the fans.
-The Intercontinental Title, U.S. Title, Tag and Divas Titles were not defended.
-Money in the Bank ladder match was nowhere to be found.
I followed the coverage of the event by the net and didn’t order the PPV. And I have to be honest, I’ve never been more grateful to have missed ordering a Wrestlemania. The WWE better have one HELL of a game plan for Raw tomorrow night or this is gonna turn out to be one of the crappiest PPV’s ever to bear the name of Wrestlemania.
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