I’ve been doing this for 6 months now and I figured that now that I’ve circled the waters enough and now that I’ve gotten accustomed to things, I thought it was time to lay out some definitions of certain things in wrestling, Shark Lingo if you will. So, here it is to all of you my introduction to the language of the Shark:
Michael Cole: Monkey Cole, The Bowel Movement of Journalism. Jim Ross’s table scraps.
Mark Madden: Super Fatass, The One Man Dry Heave-athon. Drools over Divas and Knockouts because the only girlfriends he’s ever had were with 1-900 for a first name.
Ric Flair: Multi-time champion and payer of Alimony. Bled on the ring more than Foley and Funk in their careers combined.
Eric Bischoff: The IWC’s favorite Bastard. Hulk Hogan’s personal bell-hop.
Anarchia of Mexican America: Not Homicide
Mexican America: Not LAX.
Jeff Hardy: The Half-Baked Enigma
Mr Anderson/Ken Anderson: The 30 Minutes or Less Champion
Jack Swagger: Kurt Angle with a lisp, hair, and half the ability.
Devon: If Chris Candido was known as “No Gimmicks Needed” in ECW, Devon is more like No Gimmicks Present in TNA
Scott Steiner: When Steroid Muscles meet Flab.
Bully Ray: Half ECW, Half Team 3D, All Boring
Jeff Jarrett: King of the His & Her Mountain
Drew McIntyre: The Chosen One……to be Off Camera and Backstage.
Booker T: At least we know he wrestles better than he can announce.
Josh Matthews: Weekly Victim of Cole/Booker crossfire.
NXT: The new ECW wasn’t this bad. At least we had Tiffany every week.
Raw’s Current Announce Team: 3-Man train wreck with JR muted and Cole has his volume up and obnoxious jackass mode on overdrive.
Don West: If you combined Michael Cole and Mark Madden and the voice of Weezie Jefferson, you get Don West. But at least he does his job.
Suicide: Character that never took off only because TNA couldn’t make up their mind on who would be him. That and the Impact game sucked ass.
Hulk Hogan: Hogan Knows Best? Not with TNA he doesn’t.
Impact Wrestling: A fine example of when you rename bullshit.
WWE Superstars: It’s no different than NXT with the exception that some kind of wrestling takes place.
Todd Grisham: Vince found Grisham boring, but finds Cole entertaining. I think Triple H should’ve taken over sooner.
This is just a little taste and trust me that there will be more added on later.
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