Welcome boys and girls to yet another edition of Shark Lingo 101. Very little has changed and it seems like some things in wrestling haven’t gotten much better. So I bring to you some new definitions according to yours truly The Shark of Wrestling, some new and some are additions. In any case, here’s some words to live by when you’re swimming with this shark:
-Michael Cole: Johnny Ace’s little Princess. The Bitch
-John Lauranitis: John Laryngitis, corporate scum-bucket, Michael Cole’s sugar daddy. The Butch. Looks as uncomfortable being on camera as Michael Cole does when he talks to a woman (before giving his credit card number out.)
-Hunico: WWE’s equivalent of Homicide.
-Sin Cara: Ultimo Botch-master.
-Garrett Bischoff: Erik Watts 2.0
-Alberto Del Rio: Too transparent to even be a transitional champion.
-Natalya: For a girl that calls herself a “Diva of Doom,” she sure does lose a lot.
-Mark Henry: The only thing that the WWE is doing right.
-Jack Swagger: Kurt Angle without the wins, the title reigns, gold metals, technical skills, and…..okay so what does he have exactly?
-Ricard Rodriguez: Soccer announcer who gets his ass kicked a lot and who I’m still waiting to hear him say “GOAL!!!!!”
-Alicia Fox: Face turn that nobody really noticed.
-Karen Jarrett: The most useless female presence in pro wrestling since Vickie Guerrero.
-Mexican America: STILL not LAX and Anarchia is STILL not Homicide.
-“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero: He’s still employed?
-Gregory Iron: Heart of a champion
-Christopher Daniels: Stuck with a screwdriver as a prop that nobody likes or believes.
-Kevin Steen: One reason alone to watch Ring of Honor and will soon be World Champ there.
-The Kings of Wrestling (Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli).: Just debut already.
-The WWE Tag Titles: The prize you find in a Cracker Jack box.
-Crimson’s undefeated streak: Something to point and laugh at.
-Crimson: You mix Goldberg, Gillberg and Amazing Red into one person, you get him with a side of a joke of an unbeaten streak.
-Samoa Joe: Why did he re-sign with TNA?
-Eric Bischoff: Doesn’t have a clue what he’s supposed to do.
-Ric Flair: Surefire way to get him to go back to retirement: Tell him it’s bingo night.
-Bobby Roode, James Storm, and Velvet Sky: 3 People TNA has screwed over in some shape or form and it only took them 1 month to do it.
-Matt Morgan: The Big Show of TNA. Take that one however you want to.
-John Cena’s dad: 3 Words for You “Torrie Wilson’s dad.”
-3 Hour Raw: Four words that wrestling fans think when watching this “What else is on?”
-CM Punk: Speaking the truth that we’ve all been thinking for the last 10+ years.
-Immortal: Bleeding itself out in a slow death.
-Gunner: STILL overrated.
-Jeff Hardy: The Delta House of TNA (though it’s kind of insulting to the Delta House)
That’s it for now. Class Dismissed.
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