Advice for Natalya: RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!

It’s bad enough that the Divas division is treated as poorly if not worse than tag team wrestling in the WWE, but still you have moments where WWE just seems to give stupidity a whole new meaning and exhibit A would be Natalya’s current gimmick. You know what gimmick, it’s the one where she has a bit of a gas problem and as shown this week where she let a few rip, ran to the bathroom and Santino caught a whiff of it and ended up puking in a trash can. Oh the humanity.

There is always stupid gimmicks in wrestling and ones that we wish we could avoid or forget. Some examples would be Avatar (Al Snow), Phantasio, Mantaur, Aldo Montoya (it was Justin Credible with a yellow jockstrap for a mask for God’s sake), Disco Inferno, and of course The Red Rooster. The last two especially because Terry Taylor and Glen Gilberti will never be known for anything else than those two stupid gimmicks and believe me, they’ve tried. Terry Taylor can’t go without people picturing him crowing like a rooster or wearing the stupid headpiece on top of his head. He tried to escape that in WCW as either Terry Taylor, Terrence Taylor or the Taylor-Made Man. None of them worked because the Red Rooster gimmick was his black spot in his wrestling legacy, his death sentence.

Back to Natalya, I thought that the Harts and Neidharts and VKM buried the hatchet. But I guess I’m wrong considering the reactions of Diana Hart-Smith and DH Smith over his firing, maybe this is just blowback for that. That is the only explanation I can think of for why they would label Natalya with this stupid gimmick. I can imagine Vinny Mac laughing about this in a room full of people, but with himself being the only one laughing about it. Chances are that it’s not the first time that’s happened lately. It’s like how he thinks Michael Cole and Booker T’s commentary is innovative (though Booker has gotten better.)

TNA once did a gimmick like this with the Jackass gimmick with Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin, and Jay Lethal. It bombed miserably as was proven with trying to interact in the matches with Petey Williams who supposedly drank water with a laxative in it or Sabin vs Senshi and throwing in the rubber woman in place of Sabin. The gimmick was not well received and the fans chanted various things such as “This is Bullsh*t” and “No More Jackass.”. The flatulent Natalya gimmick is no different and there is no way that this will be well received nor will be able to work in a match. Why? Because even if you have the TV crowd hear it through some sound byte or whatever, the live crowd won’t hear it and they will be expected to presume something happened. A strategy that never bodes well in wrestling, ever.

What is the payoff for this gimmick anyway? Splitting up the Divas of Doom? You don’t need that gimmick for that to happen. How about the fact that Beth Phoenix has the belt or that Natalya is always on the losing end while Beth is riding cloud 9? Any of those would be better than this stupid gimmick. Like it wasn’t bad enough when they had Lay-Cool pulling their kindergarten name-calling crap on girls like Kelly Kelly, Melina or especially Mickie James. During her last run in WWE, she was taking jab after jab about her weight and it was not even funny or entertaining. It just made you feel bad for Mickie James and made Lay-Cool look like nothing but a bunch of bimbos. If we wanted to see the “Plastics,” we’d go rent Mean Girls since it belongs in the movie or in high school, not in wrestling.

The sad thing for Natalya is that she can actually wrestle. She is one of those divas that can wrestle and she is being misused and labeled with this godawful gimmick while other divas that can’t are given more of a shot. I don’t think much on Alicia Fox or Eve Torres. Kelly Kelly is still trying but not there yet and the Bellas can’t wrestle to save their own life. Take away the twin magic and they’ve got nothing. Yeah they’re twins but so what? I’ve seen hotter twins than the Bella Twins, much hotter even. Is this really what Natalya wants to be known for? The daughter of The Anvil with a massive gas problem? Things like that will stay with you for a long time. Just ask Lita about her last few years in wrestling. She was one of the divas that helped kickstart things for the Divas Division and she spent the last few years being known as the tramp for the Matt Hardy/Edge incident to the point that when her last match took place, she was still being hit with that and pretty much told “don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.” it’s a shame and wasn’t right back then and it’s not right for Natalya to be labeled with this stupid gimmick that could end up crapping on her legacy.

My advice to Natalya is to quit. Run as fast as you can from the WWE and don’t look back. You’re a wrestler, not a sideshow act and I can guarantee plenty of places will let you showcase what you can really do. And I can definitely guarantee that you won’t even have to carry some stupid gimmick that will make you look weird or gassy. I know some people would say “it’s her job, it’s what she gets paid to do.” So her job is to demean herself and piss away whatever dignity, pride and self-respect she has? I’m sure some would call that being somewhere along the lines of prostitution, and while I won’t go that far, it definitely falls under the similar lines of selling out your pride and self-respect. And besides, the last I checked, she was a wrestler and not a comedy act so start acting like a wrestler.

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